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2003-01-05 - 7:55 p.m. This diary entry comes with a warning: I am about to embark on a pity party tonight, so I apologize in advance to those of you with really big problems, not the ones I am about to indulge in. If you care to, read on. If you have really big problems, you may want to skip this entry, or at least tune up you teeny-tiny violin... I am tired, just really tired tonight. There are several reasons for this mental and physical fatigue. 1. I think I'm a little anemic. My aunt has been in town for eight, count 'em, eight weeks now, and she is playing havoc with my system and my life. I am tired of feeling less than clean. I am tired of ugly underwear or ruining good undies. I am tired of the lack of relation with my husband. I am tired of making sure I have feminine protection with me at all times, and of buying it constantly at the store. I am tired of not getting a complete night's sleep. I am tired of worrying that I should go back on the pill *tears* to stop this cycle but then, of course, having absolutely no chance in hell that I will get preggers (not that I have much chance with the body's system doing what it is now). I am tired of thinking I should discuss this more often with my husband or with my diary, but who wants to hear about this stuff? Not me, so why should I visit it upon all who know me *tears and misery*. I know I should go see a doctor but who wants to go when it's this kind of messy visit - most unpleasant - and what would an exam show, anyway. Nothing really new. Yeah, yeah, I know, moms out there, I should bite the bullet. Pity party for me today, remember? Ok, that's the saddest part of my life, the stuff that when I think too hard on it (like the ride home from church today) I start crying. So, enough. 2. The physical and mental tiredness from number one are compounding the weight issue I have in my life. The stress is leading to eating, the eating to weight gain, the weight gain to less energy, to more eating, gain, etc... I do think fate steps in every once in a while. I was debating WW vs Atkins a lot over the last week or so, and today I got a birthday present - pasta bowl and dishes. I have been wanting a new set for years and today I got one. Decision made, WW on Wednesday. I told Scott - he's less than excited - but he knows it's for my own good and he's supportive. Just not that much a fan of the food (he liked the sheer amount of steak that got eaten on the other diet). I think I can work in a little Atkins on the WW - going lower on carbs, higher on veggies and saving points for meats and cheeses. We'll see. 3. I'm tired because I'm out of shape. I would like to blame anemia for a lot of the huffing I find myself doing lately, but I think I just need to do some stuff outside the house. I have to tell you, though, just the very thought of exercising makes me tired. I can't blame the weather though - it's been so unseasonably warm. Now that I've said that, I'm sure it'll snow 10 inches and then have a slight warmup and then freeze - you know, to add that thin sheet of ice over the top of everything! Well, had enough? I think I have - I can only stomach so much pity-party for me before I want to throw up. I hope tomorrow is better. Until later.
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