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2003-08-20 - 8:58 a.m.

Wow, I cannot believe it has been twenty days since I added an entry. Life has just been flowing along, but not my writing juices. Sometimes you have to save a bit for real life and that's what I would say I have been doing.

So... where to start. I think it likely that at a last visit somewhere in there I mentioned that Scott and I only had 87 cents and therefore could not even by the lottery ticket for pregnancy. Since then I went through another cycle of prometrium (bring on your period so you know what day to start counting in your cycle, and, if you're like me, have a period at all) then some clomid was added to the mix (stimulates my pituitary gland to release FSH, a (H)ormone that (S)timulates (F)ollicles) and then a good dose of a hormone to make them pop. As of last Wednesday I could be pregnant. I'm not getting my hopes up too much, as last time was a little "crash and burn" for me - no need to cry so much, I just need to pick up and move on.

I am so excited that things may be happening, but I feel guilty sometimes. I ran into a woman at the office that I know, and we talked a bit. She has been doing this for a year and she was a bit teary that day - we did not talk any specifics but I gather it's not going that well. If I hit it running and do well the first time out, I realize it was meant to be for Scott and I, but it still is a little sad for me to see the difficulty others are having.

Embarrasing moments - everyone at my work and Scott's work seems to know every day of my cycle, sheesh! Now all of you know, too, and I know some of you in RL :)

Work is ok, so incredibly busy that I could tear my hair out some days. I hate Tuesdays so much... I don't think I have left on time on a Tuesday in weeks (and on time means 8 PM). The next time my office manager or boss has the unending gall to suggest that either of us docs is not putting in our time... POW! Right in the kisser!

Golf is good. I really like the lessons I've been taking, and all of us have shown marked improvement. I need to practice more - should be able to get Scott out on the driving range from time to time. I'll be doing that today after WW.

Speaking of WW - not so good. I have maintenance down to a tee. The weeks sort of fly by and I didn't realize that for three months I've been gaining and losing the same five pounds. Disheartening, but a reminder that I can't cheat so much at this stage. I don't know what the scales will show this morning, but it doesn't matter because I've done four (count 'em) four whole days of following my point range (and even eating in the low end of the range - go, me!!) and that is a good accomplishment. I feel like my clothes fit a little better, too (although let's hope that changes because I'll have a space-occupying mass in my abdomen - how's that for a little kid nickname?).

Well, speaking WW, I must be off.

Until later

 

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